freedom at last

i've FINALLY done my time.
and i can't tell any of you how glad i am now that that's all behind me.
i still have the punishment.
but im just glad i can stay downtown and be dirty with people i'm in love with.
i'm so happy that i'm not stupid anymore, and i finally realize what purpose i serve.
it's such a good feeling.

i can't even express the joy i'm feeling.
it's like, a milkshake just entered my veins,
i'm feeling the chills of being happy.
im feeling the colors of the sprinkles.
it's pickling my insides with smiley's.

and it's making my skin tight and happy.
i can finally smile again.
and it feels
SO
GOOD.

eternity.

is lost.
eternity is the blue thats in the sky,
the taste our coffee is in the morning,
the razor blade that cuts our skin.
eternity is the outlet i plug my lava lamp into.
its the eraser i use at the end of my chewed pencil.
its the never ending bliss of love.

eternity is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.
its your most favoritest color.
its the taste of lips of the person you never want to stop kissing.
its your favorite candy.

eternity is a secret.
whisper it to your friends tomorrow.

it can be anything.
and i've found it. (:

lets live again

i wanna fuck around in the stupidest city of the world with some nonsense people that aren't even funny. i want to feel a feeling throughout my whole body that i've never felt before. all i want to see is my nose, and my bangs, because this shit is from MY prospective. things should be different when i feel this feeling. it needs to be OUT OF THIS WORLD. but i know it wont be. i need to lay in musty grass with an umbrella when it's not raining. i need to have a conversation that starts out in the a.m and ends in the p.m. do you know who you are? cause if you do come say hi. i hope it rains hard enough that i have to take my hoodie off from the lack of energy i have to carry it on my back because it's so drenched with douche bag mother nature. i want it to hail so hard, that it puts a permanant hole in my head. i want there to be a someone who walks in on me while im peeing in a public restroom. i want to look for someone, but i dont know what they look like. i want to be surrounded with thousands of people that aren't even looking at me, but i want just that one person to kidnap me, so i can fall in love with him. i want a preview of his face. but when he kidnaps me, i want him to have a bag over his head. i want him to be the most vibrant, crazy, psycho stranger in the history of strangers. i'm gonna stop being scared of what's gonna happen next, im gonna stop being so afraid of what people say to me and what tone they say it, im gonna stop being this huge pushover that i am, just so i can meet this one person that i've been dreaming about. i don't know who it is, and i don't know where they are, and I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE ALIVE OR ALIVE YET. i can't look at some fucked up off white photograph and tell you 'thats the person i've been dreaming of.' because well, i don't know who they are yet.

standing on T.V's

the time is going so slow.
boxes are full and so is my tummy.
plastic bags for picking up littler clutter the room.
paper is shredding in the background.
pink lipstick on my pillowcase, half on my face.
paper cuts cover my hands.
baskets full of dirty pants.
hoodies are damp from the rain, and so is my hair.
how can people miss this?
how can YOU miss this?

we're all living just to breath.
we're all breathing just to live.
we're all blinking so we can miss an awkward silence.

and we're all walking because we're nervous.
can you keep up?
are you ahead, or just a corpse straggling behind?
can you laugh without smiling?
can you kiss without your lipstick?

can we survive?
only time will tell.

bikes.

let's ride our bikes to somewhere worth going.
we will find our way, i promise.
there's beauty all around us, and the clouds will guide us.
it'll be our path.

there's beauty in this land,
it surrounds us.
pedal faster!
get away!
FASTER
FASTER

they're behind us for the rest of our lives.
let's ride our bikes to Australia.
and yes, over the seas too.
we only have $5.

but we have more than a hobo.
it'll get us through.
we can survive off of hoho's and zebracakes.
we can get energy off of each other's smiles.
because yours makes me wanna live forever.

dazzle me,
and i'll be sure to amaze you.

BELIEVE!

i believe in the color orange.
i believe in stingy paper cuts,
i believe in cute boys.
i believe laughter is the best calorie burner.
i believe in glowing.
i believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
i believe that happy people are the prettiest.
i believe in being strong when everything else
seems wrong.
i believe in cuddling.
i believe in patched quilts.
i believe in freezpops.
i believe that tomorrow is a new day.
and i believe in miracles.

give me a paper cut.

i feel like i don't belong.
i feel un-invited.
i have the fragile bones of a fetus, and a mind of a rainbow.

all for one and one for all.

do i know you?

i have all the symptoms of a human being.
i talk,
i giggle,
i sneeze and i weeze.

if its just for a little while.
i don't care, i want to experience something different.
something where i'm not a human being.

even if it only takes a couple of deep breaths to transform into some walking creature no one has ever seen in their life before, i'll do it.
i won't be a normal, walking, blinking, obnoxious human anymore.

i'll be slimy, orange, and green.
i won't blink, i'll never blink.
i won't miss a thing.

i won't have ears.
and my brain will be in a glass bubble.
show cased to whomever has the guts to come up and hold a silly conversation.

camera's will be pointed at my face, and i'll smile with my pink, fuzzy teeth.
someone will publish me in a newspaper, or a comic book.
i'll be tomorrow's next big thing.
and next years fashionable trend.

i'll go in style,
and come out of style just as fast.

everyone would be my friend.
just because i wasn't ordinary.
i wouldn't be someone who walked the same old street everyday.
i would walk the same dirt road, i would just walk down it a different color.

what would happen if you weren't human for a full 24 hours?

LET'S
EXPERIMENT.

bees are buzzing!

over and under my head
vibrating my skull until it tickles my brain.

i don't know how to think of this with my brain so ticklish.
my head is pickled with guilty thoughts,
drench me in water until i turn the pruniest i've ever been.

a shock enters my eyes,
it fluctuates countless times before it reaches my fingers.

it then, enters my fingernails,
and now it looks like a thunderstorm in my fingers.

how can i possibly apologize?
with all these things happening to me.
you make me feel so guilty.

nothing is tasty anymore.
except for the ink that's pouring out of my eyes.

we have the ability to do anything.
we have the power to raise hell on earth.
we have every right to scream out anything we want to.

loose lips may sink ships.
but not mine.
nor yours.

you won't let it.
and that's what i love about you.
you won't let anything get in your way, or fuck you up,
or call you a failure.

i agree.
more than i've ever agree'd before.

is there a power button to life?
because if there is, mine is rusted

and it wont
ever
turn
back
on...

phone jacks!

my fingers are on fire right now.
im looking out this window and i see the stupid clouds in this stupid corporate building.
excel is minimized on my screen, and i don't want to be here.
i dont want to be dressed like a business woman anymore.
i wish you would just let me go live where i want to and be done with it.
you're not gonna care what happens to me, as long as i dont live under your roof, you're okay.
you have a perfect life, with this un-perfect stranger who tries to be my dad, but fails miserably.
i haven't lived with him since i was 12, and i think i need to experiment a little.
BUT
YOU
KEEP
FUCKING
HOLDING
ME
BACK!
and i'm sick of it!
who cares how long i'll live there.
you won't and i certainly won't.
he's not my fucking father okay?
so stop trying to act like he is!

again, i can't say this enough, but you honestly think i'm going to live by your rules.
everyone thinks i do but i don't.
im gonna rebel, and you'll see one day, i'll move out before these 4 years are up.
because i can canive you to do it.
but i'm not so sure about him.

it's like, you share a fucking brain.
YOU'RE BRAIN WASHED!

you're not the same person you used to be
you're not the same person you used to be
YOU'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU USED TO BE!

snap out of it already!

because, let me tell you. . .
if you don't do it

I WILL!

pick up the pieces. . .

to my puzzle, everyone.
because i don't think anyone could put me together correctly,
in the right order.
they can't smooth my edges, they're jagged just like the edges that surround my body.
no one can influence me to change my ways.
no one can ever tell me what to do with the picture i make when someone puts me together.
it can be in color, black and white, or even bright as the sun.
because all i want to do is blind you.
i want to make your eyes hurt from looking at me,
i want to be the worlds luckiest contestant in a staring contest,
and i want to be the winner.
you can do anything you want to me,
because this puzzle is a canvas.
you can splatter on me,
rip me,
spit on me,
stomp on me,
throw mud on me,
or even throw up apple juice on me.
but whatever you do, i can take it. . .
i can take all you can give.
i can be dressed,
or naked.
you can dress me in fishnets,
or my bare naked legs.
because i won't walk anywhere.
you're dressing me for no reason.
cover me in a blanket,
because you have to wait 6 months for this paint to dry.
pick up my pieces,
because this puzzle is. . .
impossible.

i live for these moments

i live for the moments where i'm totally clueless and don't know what to do.
i live for the moments where i can't speak because i don't know what to say, or i can't walk the same way because something recently stupid happened to me.
i live for the moments where my brain just freezes up like an igloo and my memories and my senses just freeze along with it, and i can't feel anything.
i live for the moments where i'm drawing or coloring something, and i don't even have to think about what im adding to the picture, and i don't realize it until its complete.
i live for the moments where all i can think about is eating ice cream and popsicles at the end of the day, and how i'm gonna sneak online tonight.
i live for the moments where i lie straight to my mom's face, and she doesn't even see it in my eyes.
i live for the moments where you go to a loud show, and you have the amps in your ears, and the music speeding through your veins,
where you see stupid people moshing with their arms flying everywhere.
i live for the moments to laugh so hard i can't think or move or do anything except collapse in front of someone's house on a sidewalk because some girl had a tazer gun pointed to her head.
i live for the moments where i immideatley wake up because i'm laughing about a silly dream i just had.
i live for these moments, and i love how they're my life.

sharp

there's speakers in my ears, and there's monitors glaring at my face.
there's a tower next to me, and the smell of the air smells like waffles.
there's a printer sitting next to me, with no paper in it.
there's an internet box waiting for me to hit for the internet going out.
the paper is breathing, and i'm not high.
the walls are covered in tanish carpet,
i have people on the other end screaming for me to pick up, but i won't.
i have people leaning on me, and waiting for me to pick them up, but i won't.
i have people sitting on my shoulders all day, and i won't kick them off.
they have to fall on their own.
i have rocks in my sheets, and lollipops in my pillowcase,
throw up on my blanket, and ice cream in my shoes.
i don't know where this is going, i don't know how this started off,
and i have no possible clue how this gonna end.
these words are spilling out of my fingers like cheap glue.
the phone is ringing, but not fully.
its ringing in sections, i don't know how, but i'm not high.
so. . .
what am i?

bored extinction

when the human race goes extinct like the dinosaurs, what's going to happen?
we're going to be lifeless,
either on the ground, in a cave, in the river, or in a casket buried in the ground.
i know i've talked about death a lot, but i think about it way too much.
i thought about it last night, and i just looked at the sky the whole time without blinking
cause i was so shaken and scared.
i wonder how the world's gonna end.
i just realized, as of yesterday, how many people are here though.
how can something so little, or so humongous kill all of us at the same time?
there's probably gonna be a select few of like, a thousand people still living.
they're the lucky ones.
they're going to make babies,
their babies will grow,
then they'll make babies, and it just goes on
and on
and on.
just think about it, this world will never end.
atleast i don't think it will.
according to some people, the world will end in December of 2012.
and you know what i say. . .
FUCK THAT.

you're a liar

Stop screaming

I’m cringing in pain

Stop yelling

I’m covering my ears

Hold on tight

I’m slipping away

Beyond your grip

I’m sliding

Don’t let go

You are

I come to see you

You’re tripping out

I walk downstairs

Cocaine lined up on the table

Who are you?

I don’t want to share your blood

I don’t want to be your daughter

I don’t want to have you and me in a sentence together

I won’t have it

I just won’t

Not even piano music can show my pain for you

Blasting music

You listen to

Wasted on the couch

Yelling at me

Go ahead,

Tell me to go to hell

Tell me I was a mistake

Because you were one all along

This whole thing was a mistake

You don’t love me

You’re a filthy liar

You say you’re happy with her

You’re not

You hate her

You love her kids more than your own

I sit on the sidelines looking over at you

Saying you were once mine

It turns out I let you go

You didn’t let go

I chose to

I won’t come to your funeral when you die

I’ll be somewhere far away

No one will tell me

I’ll figure it out myself

It’ll be today’s good news, and tomorrow’s old news

You’re a liar

You’re a cheater

I won’t have it

I hate you

I despise how you treat me

With disrespect all the time

Why can’t you be happy for once?

You already are

You simply don’t have me anymore

I’m not yours

I hope you’re happy.

Because I am.

im crippled from exhaustion

im so tired and exhausted, i cant think of anything else.
my ears are tired from people talking in them all the time.
i can't think straight sometimes.
im trying to sleep, but there's no sheep to count.
the closet won't close, and there's a monster watching me.
my sheets feel like steel wool, and my blanket feels like metal.
i want to get out of this place.
my pillow just lets my head lay on it.
it doesn't fight back like people fight back to me.
i have the most un sturdy neck that's keeping my twisted mind high in the air.
i don't know what to do.
i don't know what to say.
i don't know how to walk with such a crooked spine.
my shoes fall apart, and my clothes are tearing.
i don't know how to walk the same way.
how should i walk down the sidewalk without stepping on any glass?
my tongue hurts from biting it,
my mouth is full of blood. . .
but blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.

i'm sorry.

green buttons and yellow candy

wouldn't it be cool if we could taste colors
see music
feel the rainbow
use our umbrellas for when it's raining sherbert ice cream?
wouldn't it be wonderful if there were shampoo bottles flying throught the air
apples in the bathtub
and people could fly?
woudn't it be dandy if we were all happy
everything wasn't so miserable and black and white
people could feel the colors around them
and not be allergic to the pollen in the flowers?
wouldn't it be nice if we could all wear our pants on our heads
our underwear on our faces
and our shirts on our feet?
wouldn't it be funny if we would all be laughing at the same exact thing
and laugh for about 15 minutes straight
wouldn't it be lovely if we could all just get along
forget about the past,
and start a new future?

black&white

is it not normal if you dream in black and white?
sometimes, i don't even know what normal is.
what is this normal that everyone has to live up to.
like, you're walking down the sidewalk, in the most public place you ever were,
and someone looks at you while you're acting like dicks with your friends
and they say to themselves, or whoever their with, "that's not normal"
what's this normal personna that we're all trying to live up to

i need a block quote here, and i don't know any normal quotes out there.

i hope someone out there can answer all these questions i just asked.
if they can, their not normal.

and i'm okay with that;