phone jacks!

my fingers are on fire right now.
im looking out this window and i see the stupid clouds in this stupid corporate building.
excel is minimized on my screen, and i don't want to be here.
i dont want to be dressed like a business woman anymore.
i wish you would just let me go live where i want to and be done with it.
you're not gonna care what happens to me, as long as i dont live under your roof, you're okay.
you have a perfect life, with this un-perfect stranger who tries to be my dad, but fails miserably.
i haven't lived with him since i was 12, and i think i need to experiment a little.
BUT
YOU
KEEP
FUCKING
HOLDING
ME
BACK!
and i'm sick of it!
who cares how long i'll live there.
you won't and i certainly won't.
he's not my fucking father okay?
so stop trying to act like he is!

again, i can't say this enough, but you honestly think i'm going to live by your rules.
everyone thinks i do but i don't.
im gonna rebel, and you'll see one day, i'll move out before these 4 years are up.
because i can canive you to do it.
but i'm not so sure about him.

it's like, you share a fucking brain.
YOU'RE BRAIN WASHED!

you're not the same person you used to be
you're not the same person you used to be
YOU'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU USED TO BE!

snap out of it already!

because, let me tell you. . .
if you don't do it

I WILL!

pick up the pieces. . .

to my puzzle, everyone.
because i don't think anyone could put me together correctly,
in the right order.
they can't smooth my edges, they're jagged just like the edges that surround my body.
no one can influence me to change my ways.
no one can ever tell me what to do with the picture i make when someone puts me together.
it can be in color, black and white, or even bright as the sun.
because all i want to do is blind you.
i want to make your eyes hurt from looking at me,
i want to be the worlds luckiest contestant in a staring contest,
and i want to be the winner.
you can do anything you want to me,
because this puzzle is a canvas.
you can splatter on me,
rip me,
spit on me,
stomp on me,
throw mud on me,
or even throw up apple juice on me.
but whatever you do, i can take it. . .
i can take all you can give.
i can be dressed,
or naked.
you can dress me in fishnets,
or my bare naked legs.
because i won't walk anywhere.
you're dressing me for no reason.
cover me in a blanket,
because you have to wait 6 months for this paint to dry.
pick up my pieces,
because this puzzle is. . .
impossible.

i live for these moments

i live for the moments where i'm totally clueless and don't know what to do.
i live for the moments where i can't speak because i don't know what to say, or i can't walk the same way because something recently stupid happened to me.
i live for the moments where my brain just freezes up like an igloo and my memories and my senses just freeze along with it, and i can't feel anything.
i live for the moments where i'm drawing or coloring something, and i don't even have to think about what im adding to the picture, and i don't realize it until its complete.
i live for the moments where all i can think about is eating ice cream and popsicles at the end of the day, and how i'm gonna sneak online tonight.
i live for the moments where i lie straight to my mom's face, and she doesn't even see it in my eyes.
i live for the moments where you go to a loud show, and you have the amps in your ears, and the music speeding through your veins,
where you see stupid people moshing with their arms flying everywhere.
i live for the moments to laugh so hard i can't think or move or do anything except collapse in front of someone's house on a sidewalk because some girl had a tazer gun pointed to her head.
i live for the moments where i immideatley wake up because i'm laughing about a silly dream i just had.
i live for these moments, and i love how they're my life.

sharp

there's speakers in my ears, and there's monitors glaring at my face.
there's a tower next to me, and the smell of the air smells like waffles.
there's a printer sitting next to me, with no paper in it.
there's an internet box waiting for me to hit for the internet going out.
the paper is breathing, and i'm not high.
the walls are covered in tanish carpet,
i have people on the other end screaming for me to pick up, but i won't.
i have people leaning on me, and waiting for me to pick them up, but i won't.
i have people sitting on my shoulders all day, and i won't kick them off.
they have to fall on their own.
i have rocks in my sheets, and lollipops in my pillowcase,
throw up on my blanket, and ice cream in my shoes.
i don't know where this is going, i don't know how this started off,
and i have no possible clue how this gonna end.
these words are spilling out of my fingers like cheap glue.
the phone is ringing, but not fully.
its ringing in sections, i don't know how, but i'm not high.
so. . .
what am i?

bored extinction

when the human race goes extinct like the dinosaurs, what's going to happen?
we're going to be lifeless,
either on the ground, in a cave, in the river, or in a casket buried in the ground.
i know i've talked about death a lot, but i think about it way too much.
i thought about it last night, and i just looked at the sky the whole time without blinking
cause i was so shaken and scared.
i wonder how the world's gonna end.
i just realized, as of yesterday, how many people are here though.
how can something so little, or so humongous kill all of us at the same time?
there's probably gonna be a select few of like, a thousand people still living.
they're the lucky ones.
they're going to make babies,
their babies will grow,
then they'll make babies, and it just goes on
and on
and on.
just think about it, this world will never end.
atleast i don't think it will.
according to some people, the world will end in December of 2012.
and you know what i say. . .
FUCK THAT.

you're a liar

Stop screaming

I’m cringing in pain

Stop yelling

I’m covering my ears

Hold on tight

I’m slipping away

Beyond your grip

I’m sliding

Don’t let go

You are

I come to see you

You’re tripping out

I walk downstairs

Cocaine lined up on the table

Who are you?

I don’t want to share your blood

I don’t want to be your daughter

I don’t want to have you and me in a sentence together

I won’t have it

I just won’t

Not even piano music can show my pain for you

Blasting music

You listen to

Wasted on the couch

Yelling at me

Go ahead,

Tell me to go to hell

Tell me I was a mistake

Because you were one all along

This whole thing was a mistake

You don’t love me

You’re a filthy liar

You say you’re happy with her

You’re not

You hate her

You love her kids more than your own

I sit on the sidelines looking over at you

Saying you were once mine

It turns out I let you go

You didn’t let go

I chose to

I won’t come to your funeral when you die

I’ll be somewhere far away

No one will tell me

I’ll figure it out myself

It’ll be today’s good news, and tomorrow’s old news

You’re a liar

You’re a cheater

I won’t have it

I hate you

I despise how you treat me

With disrespect all the time

Why can’t you be happy for once?

You already are

You simply don’t have me anymore

I’m not yours

I hope you’re happy.

Because I am.

im crippled from exhaustion

im so tired and exhausted, i cant think of anything else.
my ears are tired from people talking in them all the time.
i can't think straight sometimes.
im trying to sleep, but there's no sheep to count.
the closet won't close, and there's a monster watching me.
my sheets feel like steel wool, and my blanket feels like metal.
i want to get out of this place.
my pillow just lets my head lay on it.
it doesn't fight back like people fight back to me.
i have the most un sturdy neck that's keeping my twisted mind high in the air.
i don't know what to do.
i don't know what to say.
i don't know how to walk with such a crooked spine.
my shoes fall apart, and my clothes are tearing.
i don't know how to walk the same way.
how should i walk down the sidewalk without stepping on any glass?
my tongue hurts from biting it,
my mouth is full of blood. . .
but blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.