surrender

i just gained a little bit of freedom tonight, and even though i hung out with lame people...
i had a blast, the biggest one in a long ass time.
i just wish i would've shared with different people
people i know better,
and not some tall ass lankey guy that i didn't even know the name of
some guy named allen playing guitar hero with a keyboard
listening to rob zombie
smoking a doobie in the kitchen
with the fridge wide open
tripping over beer bottles,
as you step on one and it shatters into pieces,
people making out on the couch next to me
while i sit on a bean bag not knowing anyone,
not knowing where anyone i know is
is this really what it's gonna be like when i'm older?
cause if it is, i actually do want to live.
sometimes i don't because i don't think i'll ever get out of this thing im in at the moment,
but from this little ounce of freedom i just got..
not even on purpose.
on total accident,
then yeah, i want to live so i can sit there on someone's leather couch and make out until my mouth turns numb.
i want to wake up so stoned and drunk at 6 a.m. and hijack someone's car and not even know what im doing.
i hope my life is one big party when im older,
cause if it is,
im not digging my own grave as soon as i thought.