pushing up 500 dandilions.

im happy,
im giddy,
im ecstatic,
im smiley,
im bashful,
i have butterflies,
i have no awful emotions for once,
im happy for my weekend not going anywhere,
im happy you said you loved me like six bagillion times,
im happy i said i love you back, cause youre my best fran,
im happy i ate dinner,
im happy because youre here for me,
im happy i never fight with anyone,
im happy you like me,
im happy you look up to me,
im happy you dont label me,
im happy that im happy.

a scheduled outrage.

december 21, 2012.
end?
think about it.
with how all these wars are going on,
all these nuclear bombs being made,
the world's going to be scheduled to end soon.
and thats the date everyone's saying.
so, if it does, this is a goodbye.
i hope it doesnt.
ill miss you guys too much.
all these fucking people killing eachother,
out to get eachother,
out to get everyone,
out to get the president,
out to get me.
what the fuck.
do you have to be such a psycho?
let people live.
just because youre bored doesnt mean you can just go kill someone.
they have a life too, just like youre twisted one.
what the fuck did they do to you?
what the fuck did they do to anyone?
i dont even know what youre problems are,
but this world needs one big SHRINK to straighten them out.
if there's not a big enough one, i fucking will.
because youre just killing the earth faster.
do you want to live?
because, some people do.
stop being so selfish, and let us live without youre consequences.
PLEASE, im begging you.
put the gun down, and walk away.
END.

head, shoulders, knees & toes.

i seen the bodies exhibit on sunday.
and lemme tell you, im so against that.
like, if you died, would you wanna be cut up in peices and and be put in a glass case
for people to look at like a fucking zoo?
you're brain,
you're face,
you're eyeballs,
you're fucking dicks and cornholes?
like WHAT THE FUCK gives someone the right to do that to someone?
those are people that walked the street once,
played basketball,
laughed,
had a best friend,
had a mom,
had a dad,
HAD A FAMILY,
chewed gum,
ran,
laughed,
went to high school,
ALL TO DIE.
AND THATS NOT EVEN THE WORSE OF IT. . .
YOU GET CUT UP! AND PUT ON DISPLAY.
is that legal?
is that even right?
probably why that guy got arrested.
if i were him, i would be ashamed of myself.
so cheers, to the bodies exhibit.
that should be illegal.
jack daniels.

9006; what?

so, i looked at my old house today.
it's empty.
NOTHING is in there.
when i looked through the window, i had to double take.
because nothing was in there.
all of our memories were erased.
it was weird, because, i remember looking through that same
window whenever i would sneak out sometimes.
it was weird, that when i looked through that same window,
i had a flashback, of waking up to youre yelling at eachother.
i asked for you to stop, but you kept going.
i went to the backyard, and my swingset was gone.
probably in a dumpster somewhere all rusty.
i taught myself how to swing on there, and they threw it away.
i miss that house, even though i had a few good memories there.
i miss my neighborhood, and my old friends.
i miss you.
what if i never would've moved?
i was in a really poor environment, so,
tell me,
would i be alive?
or dead. .?
i dont even know right now.
that town is so old.
so many people have moved from there.
so many drugheads, and sluts.
and you were one of them.
i was apart of youre shady little life.
"their selling marijuana on the alley!"
you were so excited, while i was so confused.
i was a fucking kid, are you stupid?
I HATE THAT HOUSE.
thats why i spit on it.

congratulations! i hate you.

did you ever wonder if you turned youre back on someone you just yelled at,
they would like, do something to you behind youre back, like,
i dont know, say flicking you off for example.
because, say for example, that's what i do to you when you piss me off.
say for example, i do that to you every day.
i hate how you talk so fucking loud while i'm trying to do better things.
you laugh after EVERYTHING you say, and it's starting to piss me off, even more.
yeah, i know, i complain a lot! but if you weren't such a gay mother fucking asshole,
maybe i wouldn't hafta complain so god damn much.
i know you love me, but thanks.
right now, i can't even SAY i love you anymore.
and whenever i do, it's fake.
what happened to when we used to get along EVERYDAY?
go places, shop, eat food, watch movies, and cuddle.
i miss those days, but nowa days, we can't even say anything to eachother without
being at eachother's throats every 9 seconds.
don't you miss it?
i bet you do.
i miss all the old times, where we used to talk about everything with eachother.
then, you got divorced.
and everything reversed, turned opposite from what it was before.
i know you say you hate him.
but you really don't.
i know you say you love me.
but you really don't.
even though he wasn't really there, we were still a family.
didn't i already complain about this 23 gazillion times?
oh well. i complain too much, remember?
I LOVE YOU.
and, sadly, you're slipping away too.

I WANT TO

party till i pass out on the floor,
wrap boxes with newspaper,
make popsicle stick houses with marshmallow fluff,
drink pepsi until i puke it up,
shoot a gun until my arm falls off,
write on myself till i turn black with sharpie,
not fall asleep with nailpolish on,
answer the phone when a toll free caller calls and tell them im pregnant,
egg someone's house,
go to a kick ass concert,
get baked,
have a hangover at a young age,
look totally cute when noone else thinks i am,
be the person i've been wanting to be for so long,
sing my heart out on stage,
be able to be myself in front of EVERYONE,
not write in this so often about my stupid ass life,
lead a crowd,
have a cooler name,
have an awkward favorite color,
put whiskey in my lipstick tubes,
go scuba diving,
put sticky notes on elissa,
sleep at a mall,
steal anything more than 20 dollars,
sleep in until night time,
not die,
not be real,
not be stupid,
be more happier often,
have jolly ranchers with me at all times,
have the world start over new,
be different,
not be so self centered,
NOT BE ME.

better days.

why can't everyone be loved for being themselves?
people don't like people for being them.
everyone in this hell should be loved.
cuz that's all we really need at this point.
all the adopted kids that need parents aren't loved.
don't you think they atleast deserve a little?
whenever one of them gets adopted, the world starts over for them.
just to be with someone, and to know youre loved is the greatest feeling, ever.
if you don't love someone, youre fucked up.
just think of how many people out there are abused and neglected.
or have been put up for adoption and have NO fucking idea what the hell is gunna end up to them,
who their gunna end up with,
good, or bad people.
maybe before they were beaten and neglected,
then got put up for adoption,
then got beaten and neglected by the so they say "loving couple."
loving couple my ass.
is that all people are, is sick and twisted?
making so much effort to figure out way to kill off their enemies?
kill off their neighborhood?
kill off the fucking world?
the world keeps turning, so it's all good?
the world keeps spinning, and everything is alright?
the world is rigning off the hook, and i think it's about time,
someone answers.

starry eyed;

i want to take pictures before the world ends.
even though the earth isn't that pretty, but it still kind of is.
i wanna take pictures with a cute boy.
we can take pictures, cuddling in the grass,
or kissing,
or sitting on a brick wall looking like yuppies.
i miss the old days when i used to be outside everyday.
skipping breakfast,
skipping lunch,
and skipping dinner;
making a pit stop every once in a while to get a few capri suns for me and my friends.
riding bikes up and down hills,
going to the park,
walkie talkie tag,
freeze tag,
footsies.
i just miss all of it.
even though i don't want to relive my fucked up childhood,
it's so worth it just to do all that again.
am i crazy?
nevermind, i'm wasting youre time.

i miss you.

i just need someone there.
beside my bed watching me if i'm sick.
'cause noone really cares anymore.
i remember when my gramma was still here,
if there was the slightest chance i was sick,
she was right there.
i've been thinking about that so much lately.
i haven't been crying, but i miss her so much.
i know, this is really stupid to type in a blog,
but i can't say this enough;
that i really miss her.
if i could die and come back, i totally would just to go see her.
she was like, another mom.
i was over there everyday when i was little, and i got attached.
really, i did.
she's the reason why i'm the person i am, basically.
she taught me so much.
and i'll never forget her last days.
i remember, when it was a week until she died.
and i was totally clueless.
i was outside with my friends, enjoying myself, while she was stretched out on a hospital
bed with IV's sticking out of her neck.
all i ever heard was, "you have to see youre gramma before she dies."
and i wouldn't budge.
cuz i didn't want to remember her like that.
she looked so helpless.
then finally one day i went, and cried my eyes out.
my dad kept telling me how much he was gunna miss her, and all i could was listen.
i remember when she grabbed my hand and swung it like old times, when we used to go to the
mall together.
she wrote on this one piece of notebook paper not to cry.
but that made me cry even harder.
the last day i seen her all horrible in the hospital,was when she was so out of it with morphine.
then, she died.
i went to her funeral, and held back the tears.
i watched all my family members sob into their hankeys,
but i fought.
cuz i remembered the notebook paper, "don't cry, it'll be okay."
i know this is so cheesy.
but i really miss her.
like, really.
i wish she could come back.
i miss you.

i hope i'm adopted.

where's my actual biological parents?
because, i really hope this isn't my actual family.
i hope i was mixed up with some other baby, and i can actually get out of this.
can you just stop yelling at me for once?
and realize that youre yelling hurts the shit out of my ears?
do you HAVE to bitch about everything?
because, it's getting really old.
it's been old, ever since i came over here.
all i come here to do is eat youre food and get on the computer.
i don't use you, i swear.
but you use me.
you don't realize shit.
i do all these things for you because i actually think they might make you a little happy,
and you don't appreciate any of it.
it's like, it's expected of me.
if i ran away, would you come look for me?
youre wearing out my name, and i don't want it to sound so familiar.
i want it to sound new, like i changed it or something.
i don't want to recognize it, so i won't have to answer it.
if i didn't exist, who would you rely on?
noone would do shit for you, 'cause sadly, i'm the only one that puts up with you.
everyone else has the balls to scream back at you, and i'm surprised i haven't yet.
everytime i talk to you, it's like a time bomb waiting to explode.
and it surprises me EVERY time.
it's old, but it's new.
it's new, but it's old.
you need to STOP and move on with youre life.
before someone punches you in the face so hard, you need to go to the ER.
i wanna be done, but i can't.
youre my backup for when my best friend gets grounded, or can't hang out.
i still love you, but, you need to buy me a hearing aid.
STOP STOP STOP.
everytime i talk to you i wanna throw up from youre screaming.
bitch bitch bitch.
yell yell yell.
scream scream scream.
KAYLA KAYLA KAYLA.
one day, when i'm dead, you'll realize, how much of a part of youre life i had.
and it won't be in arms reach.
cuz youre going to hell.

count me in; or breakup.

did you ever wonder why two people can't stay together for good?
like, they act like they were never in love before.
like, when they were in love before, they didn't say ONE bad thing about eachother
behind their backs;
but it's like, as soon as they break up they say everything horrid about eachother
right off the bat.
and i'm clueless, and someone really needs to fill me in, PRONTO.
cuz i'm just like a spec of dust in the 'divorced' world.
i'm floating aimlessly, and all the other specs around me know where their going.
and i don't, really.
if you were in love once before, why can't it ever work out again?
if you actually LOVED that person, and you weren't lying through your teeth,
why can't you guys have a chance of getting back together?
we could be a big happy family again.
or, atleast we can try.
it probably won't work out because youre an asshole, and you'll never change.
you've put me through 12 years of hell, and quite frankly, i'm NOT sick of it.
i hate you, but still want you to love me.
so i don't disrespect you.
i CAN'T disrespect you.
remember that one day on my eight birthday, where i asked if we could go put putting,
and you PROMISED me you would go.
but when i came back to ask you later, you were hungover on the couch from the night before,
and told me your back hurted?
for my BIRTHDAY!
is there something wrong with the little amount of brain cells in youre fat ass head?
oh,
and remember when you would tell me to stay up in my room the whole entire night while my mom went bowling?
and i would come downstairs and see you snorting coke with youre buddies?
i don't care, really.
YES I DO YES I DO YES I DO!
please, tell me why you even made me, if i was just put on this earth to be neglected by you.
i really want you to love me, but you don't give a flying shit if i even died the next week.
i love you,
but i hate you.

new? or change?

SOMEONE, GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW TO DO!

I've definitely been thinking lately, and i think it's time for change.
like, i really wanna like scream out that i need some new things,
but, unfortunately noone really cares.
they would all just look at me with big eyes, and weird faces,
and just shrug it off their shoulders like an everyday occurance.
likee, an ant hill, or something.
i want some random person to come up to me, or tap me on the shoulder, even,
and invite me somewhere i've never been in my life.
somewhere worth going to,
somewhere i could walk out of with a big smile on my face;
a big enough smile to where my cheeks hurt.
i want really cute freckles on my nose.
a red happy face, with perfect brown hair.
fuck these highlites, their really tacky, and everyone pretends to like them.
i wanna do something drastic with my hair.
CHANGEEE!
i need change too.
and i need something new to do, also.
so, i guess i'm writing in here because there's reallly NOTHING else to do,
other than rant on about myself, like a retard.
i need new eyes.
i HATE shit colored eyes.
i mean their realllly hott on some people.
but not me.
i want DRASTICALLY bright eyes.
where people can't stop staring at them.

maybe i'm too starved for change and something new?

i'm fine.

but thanks for asking.

do i ever shut up when i'm told to?

be me?
if i be me, i'm fake.
i walk with my own two legs like you do.
but the way i walk is fake.
i try to hard to be really really cool, and i can hear people getting bored with me.
their not laughing;
i'm not funny;
and i ran out of things to talk about.
if i run away, i'm just a pussy anyways.
my shoes are the same as yours but mine are fake.
i try to hard to be cool.
if i be me, noone will like me.
i always say i don't care if you like me, but i really do.
i need someone new to like me, like a really cute boy.
but he might be alarmed by my fakeness.
and these blogs i write to try and be cool.
everything i own is so fucking old.
i need something really NEW, to make me stop writing these stupid ass things.
like, a new picture from a my little pony coloring book.
someone color me a picture.
unless it's with fake crayons.

then, don't bother.

arabic,hebrew & persian!

take me home where the moods are mellow;
roses are thrown;
m&m's are yellow.

man, where is home?
i've moved so many times, it's almost impossible.
like, a world record.

so many schools, it's mind boggling.
so many new faces, and names, and friends,
it's crazy.
what do i do with all the people i remember?
i don't think i'll ever see them again.
especially not on the streets i live near now.
their all in my hometown,
living it up with old friends and old times.
so many different personalities and best friends;
that came and went.

if you are what you say you are, i believe you, a lot.
but don't turn your back to me and walk away,
just because i'm moving doesn't mean we can't still be friends,
just because i'm a 25 minute drive away doesn't mean we still can't be friends,
just because you have better friends than me, and you like them better than me, doesn't mean we can't still be friends,
just because you hate me and i hate you, doesn't mean we still can't be friends.

then, maybe, you'll understand how childish youre acting.

hometowns are for fucking quakers.
like my hometown.
filled with backstabbing people who is up eachother's assholes, in eachother's business 24/7.
talking about eachother non-stop.
definitley not compliments.

like you think it is.

go look in the mirror, and tell me if you can see in the past,
all the fun times we had, all the giggles and fights.

the playground.

our laughs have faded into trash.
so has all of our friendships.

hometowns; are for quakers.

alarmclocks&hoodies.

did you ever notice that everyone is like, so time consuming?
like, i don't know ONE person who manages time.
i mean, other than ms. ayers cuz she needs to take care of her lip,
but anyways, did you ever notice that?

like, the whole entire world is time.
and it's ALL we rely on.
like, it can be bad and it can be good;
it can make your day,
orrrr, ruin it.

ex bad: you set your alarm to 6:00, and somehow it doesn't wake you up?
and then your late for work.

ex good: you set your alarm to 6:00, and it wakes you up at 5:00 then you realize you have like another hour to sleep.

i LOVE when alarms do that, like, you wake up thinking you have to wake up, then you really have another hour to sleep, then when you wake up, your like ten times reguvanated than you would've been if you had to wake up at 5.

backseat goodbye is the cutest fucking guy ever.
he makes the happiest songs, songs that remind me of my bestfran.
lucky lucky me. :D

why am i so like, rampage lately?
i like type like six paragraphs about something that people probably don't even get that much.

checkers hurt my eyes.

sneezes&sniffles.

my nose is stuffy and i can't feel my brain.
i feel like my head is weightless, and it's just like there, and my neck
is just like, the supporter?
i don't really know.

i'm in the mood for maple syrup out of like an actual tree.
trees are really fucking important in this world.
i just noticed that.
we would have no paper.
no living.
it would be all nakey and bare.

our surroundings are really dangerous people.
like downtown, there's this bank, and it's TOTALLY a bullet hole.
and it's scary to look at.
THERE'S FAT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!

hahaha, autism is funny.
well, not to be a bitch but me and my bestfran were talking like it.
and everyone should just do this to honor autism.
talk like an autistic kid for atleast 15 minutes straight everyday.

okay?

blogger autosaves?
since when?

my mouth is sticky.

for the living and the dead.

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character. .would you slow down? or speed up?"
so, how about i was talking about death today.
and that quote fits my whole entire thought process about it.
like, i don't know if this makes sense, but, when youre dead, what happens?
like, you lay there, all cold and wrinkly and just, dead.
your lifeless;
your nothing;
your DEAD.
you can't do anything anymore.
you can't walk the same street over and over again anymore;
you can't call your friend up and go out for coffee;
you can't go see the newest movie at 1:30 a.m.
you can't do anything, except be stretched out in a coffin for people to look at,
and people to cry over you, and get buried in the ground with dirt, and bugs.

all the stuff you go through every single day of you life, means nothing.
because we're all here just to die, am i right?
all the years you've been through with school, and work, and almost getting evicted,
family problems;
mental problems;
health problems;
friend problems;
work problems;
all that, to turn into a dirty skeleton.

so; really the question is,
why are we here, and why would someone want to make us if we're all just dying by the second?
think about it kids, and get back to me when you figure it out.
NEVER.

crazyglue&sillystring.

does my plans always have to get fucked up?

like seriously.
do people just read my mind when i REALLY wanna do something.?
and then be like, oh, kayla really wants to do this so let's fuck it up.
yeah, it's REALLY unfair.
but whatever, so how about i made fun of lion king today with carla?
and it was hella fun.

does everyone just ignore me?
is someone watching me?

fact: did you know that whatever your doing, people do that like a second after you, then right after that person, then right after that person?

it's cool as balls.
kbye,

speakers in my ears.

WOO.!

loud loud LOUD music makes me really happy.
i think anything but looking at this computer screen would make me happy right now.
i'm making a lot of spelling errors today.
like, i wanted to write write, and i spelled it like right.
and i was like BCKSP.
headphones are so like, 2005?
does that make sense?
cuz it makes sense to me.
i really need to do something other than sit here.
i really want cold ice-cream.
and i really am craving a myspace right now.
lyk woah. and i need to stop saying that.
this is one of the few blogs that actually make sense.
cuz i'm talking about myself.

but, i don't care.
lollipops are really tasty these days.

shit for brains.

is this really happening?

i guess so kiddos.
there's no turning back now,
not even for a drink,
or some bubble gum,
or my phone.
it's already said and done, and i'm on a roll.
i wish something would get in my way, like, the best boy ever,
or or or, someone that had the strongest power to like, sweep me off my feet.
i'm sick of living this boring old life.
i do the same things everyday, and it's starting to get a little old.
i wanna do more things and new things.
things i would never DREAM of doing.
just think something up and be like, 'hey, i'm gunna do that today.'
but, i'm too fucking scared of change.

i think it's time i need to learn how to grow up.
and stop being such a pussy.
and live my life.
and move on.

word vomit.

SERIOUSLY.

i'm not even messing around one bit here. and for some reason;
people don't seem to get that today.
like, okay.
we have a two hour delay for it being like, fucking ice age outside.
whoopdee doo?
and like, that pisses me off.
so this one teacher comes up to me all like, 'your project looks like trash!'
so how do i respond, with an attitude, like every normal person on this earth probably would.
so he calls my house like the douche bag that he is.
and i end up getting bitched at kids.
MHM.

how come i'm writing in this and i know noone is gunna read this?
creepy huh?

did you ever notice that silence is the loudest thing ever?
like, it stings almost?

i'm not sure but i think i can hear the world turning, because it's REALLY loud outside for no apparent reason.
this weekend can bite my balls.
and the t.v. is literally the world. like, why do so many people believe everything these news people say?
they have like false facts written all over their face.
and i HATE HATE how people think that all these MTV shows are actual reality.
like how ryan sheckler is already a pro skateboarder so people think they can just go buy a wooden board with wheels, hop on, and be like, i can ollie, imma pro?
no, that's not how it works, and whoever thinks that should electrocute themselves.

and, i just realized that it's 2008 and the world is really old.
like, from all the shit we talk about in history from like something something B.C.
the world was still there.
and it's like way way way after christ, 2008?
i hope the world never ends, because i wouldn't know what to do.
of course i would be dead, but what happens when your dead?

#1 impossible question i want answered: what happens after death?

that's never gunna be answered.

i hope next week is really worth it.
this week was good until today.
but now, i'm sitting here like, rambling on about un-neccessary things that noone cares about and talking to my best friend.

another thing i realized; she's like ALWAYS there for me.
like, even when i'm the bitchiest person in the world, she's like behind me 110% of the way.
like, if i were her i would be sick of me by now.
but she never does get sick. i mean, she does but she stillll puts up with me.
and i love her way to much for that.
i have NEVER been like this attached a friend before, but i really am.
like, if she died, what the fuck would i do?
i would be a no body;
a loner;
a loser;
like nothing.

HAH, i know that sounded so lesbian, but it's my thoughts and someone hasta know, right?

it's 8:30 and i'm overcoming attack of spaghetti in my stomach.