IM SICK

my arms are tired from trying to talk to you. 'cause whenever i try to talk when im angry, i talk with my hands. WHY ARE YOU SO CARELESS? you cant expect me to sit under this roof all god damn break. i hate how you say you dont care you dont care you dont care. i heard it 20 times, i dont need to hear it 20 more. im not just writing this for my health, im writing this in hope that you'll stumble upon it on youre mac. that im not aloud on. SDKLFJSIOEJFOSEF! KILL ME. im getting so sick and tired of you ragging and nagging and yelling and screaming about absoloutley nothing. things you shouldnt even flip out over. everytime i ask you something, its like living world war 2 in 2008. i swear. im sorry im not the child you hoped for, not like i was planned or anything. so was i meant to be here? god, i hope not. im probably just another mistake in youre life, that you cant erase. you probably wish you could. I WISH I COULD.
who the hell am i kidding here? i dont have to impress anyone. noone in this god damn family is THAT important to me. i mean yeah, youre important sometimes, but at times like these, i wish i had an ocean to drown in. i live the same exact thing everyday, no computer, i listen to music, no music, i lay there, i dont lay there, i walk, i dont walk i sleep; wake up do the same shit again. if i do have a computer i sit on blogger and vent. IM SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING FUCKED UP! and im living life a safe ass mess.
THANKS TO YOU.

lets get INVISIBLE.

just for a sec. cause this life is passing me by. passing me up. running me over.
day after day, i just sit here in front of this machine and think it gives me something to do, when really i could be outside eating green freezepops and sipping capri suns with my friends.
i could be saying racial slurs in front of my best friends house, while people look out their doors.
everyone's mad at me. i dont know what i did. or what they did to get them mad at them, so that they could be mad at me. the only thing im doing thats exciting is sitting here typing on this blog, when i could really be going to play guitar hero. fuck. what am i saying? i need to not stare at a screen for like a day. maybe it'll make me realize how dumb im being, and why people are getting so mad at me lately. i want to be death free. cause im always going to someone's funeral. im going to my uncle bobby's this weekend. (i dont even know who uncle bobby is). see? im so clueless. noone's here to fill me in on anything. all you have to do is pretend im that little bubble on youre pssa's or something, and just fill me in with youre pencil. thats all im asking for. but you refuse to even do that. how lazy can you get? how lazy can i get? i kick and and i scream when you talk to me. but, you already knew that.

so im stuck..

here in school, thinking about my upcoming break.
and man, am i happy.
i keep on looking out the windows and seeing smoke coming out of this huge manhole.
is this really my life? why am i always here? i know its school, but i dont enjoy it.
so many other people like it, but why cant i?
this teacher is so annoying.
she just keeps talking and talking about these nonsense things that noone cares about.
im kind of just venting, so if you want to stop reading now, i understand.
finals are tomorrow, and wednesday, and im sooo not ready.
wow, im blogging in school, am i stupid?
this is so dirty. there's cocroaches here, and its making me uncomforatable.
(spell check). now, i have to pull up this stupid "document" that "we" worked on.
even though i didnt. hahaha.
wow, no college for me.
"class of 2011, no, class of 2000 never."
psh, gimme a break.

i think ill just stop,

talking so loudly, being such a pest, being a piece of furniture in youre weird life, stop eating so much, trying to be like everyone, being such a poser, not wanting to grow up, being in this muffed up family, eating greasy foods, eating so much ramen that it comes out of my nose, getting nasty ass popsicles, stop listening to music i pretend to like, talking to you.

happy fucking easter.

my easter is gonna be so beat its not even funny. im dead, literally, and im gonna get my asshole ripppppped out of my fucking body when i get home.
im am seriously in a world of shit. sooo,
i guess this is goodbye to blogger cause im never gonna get to write to you unless i do it in school.
and goodbye computer. and phone, and talking andd, t.v. for the rest of forever.
GOODBYE BREAK.
guys, im so dead. its not even funny.





wish me some fucking luck.

nonsense.

im growing up too fast. and i dont think im quit ready. i need to stop putting so much hard
returns in my writing. and plastic bags are just not my thing. city high is just not my thing.
what if we all went to a school that didnt drag us to become 'adults' if thats even the term
we should use in this situation. why cant we just go to a normal ass high school where teachers
blow off their students, dont give a fuck what you do and where you do it, dont give a shit what you learn, as long as you leave them alone, dont care what you say, and there's no such thing as workforce. i dont want to turn 15. i feel that if i do, ill feel different than now, and itll piss me off.
i feel that if i dont get a new internet connection im gonna rip my face off. i need to write about more things that dont make sense to anyone else. like, why we steal things and its a crime. like, OUR money isnt OUR money. you know what i mean? someone gave it to us from someone else before that from someone else before that from someone else before that, so, who's was it to begine with? how do they make money so valuable? its paper made in a factory. i dont think i get it. but then again, im stupid. im 14, and nothing is really happening. i got the shittiest school in the US, i have a best friend, and i eat my weight. sounds pretty, teenagery. in my other blogs i've been too real with you guys and havent actually introduced myself. i said things before thinking and now people know my life story. people dont know ME. they just know what has happened. i love thinking about when the boy i like is gonna come back. if he ever is. his friend said hes coming back this summer. but i dont think he is. i hate relying on liking someone. i feel so gross, and disgusting. i dont NEED anyone right now. all i need is me and im fine. litereally, i am. theres a blue light staring at me from the speakers, and i wanna play some music. but this world is so quiet, i love it. im not making any type of sense right now, because im tripping out on not sleeping for the past 24 hours. i eat chimmichongas, and hot pockets, and thats just who i am.

WANTED: TIME MACHINE.

someone, go to the drug store,
or hardware store and buy me materials for a time machine.
pllease.
i want to go back to the past so badly right now.
i want to relive when i was so careless.
i looked like shit, i didnt care.
noone cared.
i want to go back to smiling every second,
and blushing every five seconds.
being all preppy, and then switching to goth in a second.
my 'phase' of being a total weirdo.
being homeschooled.
throwing up.
drawing on a daily basis.
being here for you.
being afraid of the dark.
not wanting to stay here.
worrying about the house.
tossing and turning at night because it was too quiet.
having my own room.
i want to go back to looking at the sky and smiling.
i want to go back to my old music i havent listened to in six years.
I WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WASNT HERE.
where would i be?
i need a god damn time machine people!
PRONTO.
seriously.
i want to go back to the fair,
with the ferris wheel,
not knowing anyone,
you flirting with other girls,
meeting people,
being jealous,
kissing.
thats all lost now.
i dont even remember half of it.
its like, blurred up now?
its so blurry, i cant see it without squinting.
i want to go back to eating junk food everyday and not worrying about getting fat.
i want to go back to the days where i didnt care what i was doing.
to the days where, i ate popsicles for a living.
the days where i was completely stressless.
back to the days where, i blasted my music, and neighbors would knock on the wall screaming.
back to the days where i was totally happy, and never miserable.
back to the days where i actually liked school.
liked my friends.
i only have on that understands me in this century.
noone understood me back then.
thats one flaw.
other than that,
lets go allll the way back to where we were all happy.
everyone do me a favor, and close youre eyes, and try to dream of time you would want to go back to.
and get back to me.
because i would love to hear.