so im stuck..

here in school, thinking about my upcoming break.
and man, am i happy.
i keep on looking out the windows and seeing smoke coming out of this huge manhole.
is this really my life? why am i always here? i know its school, but i dont enjoy it.
so many other people like it, but why cant i?
this teacher is so annoying.
she just keeps talking and talking about these nonsense things that noone cares about.
im kind of just venting, so if you want to stop reading now, i understand.
finals are tomorrow, and wednesday, and im sooo not ready.
wow, im blogging in school, am i stupid?
this is so dirty. there's cocroaches here, and its making me uncomforatable.
(spell check). now, i have to pull up this stupid "document" that "we" worked on.
even though i didnt. hahaha.
wow, no college for me.
"class of 2011, no, class of 2000 never."
psh, gimme a break.

i think ill just stop,

talking so loudly, being such a pest, being a piece of furniture in youre weird life, stop eating so much, trying to be like everyone, being such a poser, not wanting to grow up, being in this muffed up family, eating greasy foods, eating so much ramen that it comes out of my nose, getting nasty ass popsicles, stop listening to music i pretend to like, talking to you.

happy fucking easter.

my easter is gonna be so beat its not even funny. im dead, literally, and im gonna get my asshole ripppppped out of my fucking body when i get home.
im am seriously in a world of shit. sooo,
i guess this is goodbye to blogger cause im never gonna get to write to you unless i do it in school.
and goodbye computer. and phone, and talking andd, t.v. for the rest of forever.
GOODBYE BREAK.
guys, im so dead. its not even funny.





wish me some fucking luck.

nonsense.

im growing up too fast. and i dont think im quit ready. i need to stop putting so much hard
returns in my writing. and plastic bags are just not my thing. city high is just not my thing.
what if we all went to a school that didnt drag us to become 'adults' if thats even the term
we should use in this situation. why cant we just go to a normal ass high school where teachers
blow off their students, dont give a fuck what you do and where you do it, dont give a shit what you learn, as long as you leave them alone, dont care what you say, and there's no such thing as workforce. i dont want to turn 15. i feel that if i do, ill feel different than now, and itll piss me off.
i feel that if i dont get a new internet connection im gonna rip my face off. i need to write about more things that dont make sense to anyone else. like, why we steal things and its a crime. like, OUR money isnt OUR money. you know what i mean? someone gave it to us from someone else before that from someone else before that from someone else before that, so, who's was it to begine with? how do they make money so valuable? its paper made in a factory. i dont think i get it. but then again, im stupid. im 14, and nothing is really happening. i got the shittiest school in the US, i have a best friend, and i eat my weight. sounds pretty, teenagery. in my other blogs i've been too real with you guys and havent actually introduced myself. i said things before thinking and now people know my life story. people dont know ME. they just know what has happened. i love thinking about when the boy i like is gonna come back. if he ever is. his friend said hes coming back this summer. but i dont think he is. i hate relying on liking someone. i feel so gross, and disgusting. i dont NEED anyone right now. all i need is me and im fine. litereally, i am. theres a blue light staring at me from the speakers, and i wanna play some music. but this world is so quiet, i love it. im not making any type of sense right now, because im tripping out on not sleeping for the past 24 hours. i eat chimmichongas, and hot pockets, and thats just who i am.

WANTED: TIME MACHINE.

someone, go to the drug store,
or hardware store and buy me materials for a time machine.
pllease.
i want to go back to the past so badly right now.
i want to relive when i was so careless.
i looked like shit, i didnt care.
noone cared.
i want to go back to smiling every second,
and blushing every five seconds.
being all preppy, and then switching to goth in a second.
my 'phase' of being a total weirdo.
being homeschooled.
throwing up.
drawing on a daily basis.
being here for you.
being afraid of the dark.
not wanting to stay here.
worrying about the house.
tossing and turning at night because it was too quiet.
having my own room.
i want to go back to looking at the sky and smiling.
i want to go back to my old music i havent listened to in six years.
I WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WASNT HERE.
where would i be?
i need a god damn time machine people!
PRONTO.
seriously.
i want to go back to the fair,
with the ferris wheel,
not knowing anyone,
you flirting with other girls,
meeting people,
being jealous,
kissing.
thats all lost now.
i dont even remember half of it.
its like, blurred up now?
its so blurry, i cant see it without squinting.
i want to go back to eating junk food everyday and not worrying about getting fat.
i want to go back to the days where i didnt care what i was doing.
to the days where, i ate popsicles for a living.
the days where i was completely stressless.
back to the days where, i blasted my music, and neighbors would knock on the wall screaming.
back to the days where i was totally happy, and never miserable.
back to the days where i actually liked school.
liked my friends.
i only have on that understands me in this century.
noone understood me back then.
thats one flaw.
other than that,
lets go allll the way back to where we were all happy.
everyone do me a favor, and close youre eyes, and try to dream of time you would want to go back to.
and get back to me.
because i would love to hear.

i've been chasing.

and im finally caught up.
im the girl who i used to be.
i love everything.
i love everyone.
sept, there's this place that pops into my head sometimes when i dont love everything and everyone.
its called the dumbest place in the world in my head.
its a place where you want a blanket to cover you up from the monsters.
you want someone there for you when you need them the most,
but their not in arms reach.
or any reach at all.
its a place where, you have no preview of anything, or anyone.
you cant meet anyone there.
the trees never grow leaves.
no happy music,
no colors,
no rainbows,
no pretty people.
their all discolored, and mean.
like, almost in a horror movie, but in real life.
i sometimes have nightmares about this place when i have a bad day.
it always wakes me up in the middle of the night, or causes me not to sleep.
i dont know.
maybe i need some kind of help?
but, i've met people that have been in the same position.
like, in this "dumb place" theres nothing.
no birds chirping,
no sun,
no pretty flowers,
no water fountains,
its full of MAD.
like, okay,
for example, say that. . . the MEANEST kid you have bothering you, were to be in this "dumb place".
in this place, they would probably be 10 TIMES WORSE than they already are.
sometimes, when i feel unstoppable, and that i can do anything,
i get sort of like, high? on it. if that makes sense.
then, i do something totally stupid.
and i come to this place.
not stupid as in funny stupid though.
stupid as in like, what the fuck why the hell would you do that, stupid.
i dont know, maybe im crazy.
but, thinking of it. . .
doesnt this place sound like, the world?

slkdjfajko;s ejf;oij ewf.

there's clearly something living in my old house.
but youre too fucking lazy to go look for yourself.
get off youre ass and look.
THERE IS SOMEONE LIVING UP THERE I DONT KNOW.
lemme go get fucking raped.
i hope something would've happened to me.
so you would've felt like the dumbass you are.
youre so gay.
whats wrong with you?
go ahead and, "mark down what people want to do and what their told."
i clearly dont give a shit.
neither do you.
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON HIS SIDE?!
hes got you brainwashed.
wtf?!
STOPPPPP BEFORE I GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A FORK.
slkdjfslkdjfsldf ksej oifjs.d .
im so sad for you.