the feeling of smells.

the core of the earth is shaking, and its making my body crumble.
1
2
3
piece my piece.
let's start something new.
the feeling of summer is running through my, small, tiny, blue veins.
pumping and pumping i can feel my pulse rising through the sky.
jolly ranchers and green popsicles start out our summer,
and i'm in love with you.
these foul memories slow down through my brain,
as opposed to the bike they used to speed on.
these trail of thoughts give me the feeling of envy.
give me everything.
i have the fucking power.
i can feel the smells traveling at light speed through every limb of my body.
shocking every artery i posses.
paint me a FUCKING picture with your feelings.
even if they're not pretty.
they can be ugly, disgusting, feelings.
it would still be a masterpiece.
this tree is green, and fog creeps at the base of it.
im sitting on a bench wondering when the sun will poke through the clouds.
any second now.
i squint, its so beautiful and bright.
can you come with me and take me away to feel the feeling of smells?

never leave me alone.

imagine yourself on a chalkboard, with an eraser, someone erasing you part my part, and piece my piece.
an eye for an eye, and an arm for an arm.
a leg for a leg, and a heart for a heart.
here's to a good summer i could never forget.
follow me down this winding road we call memory lane.
aimlessly wondering, on black tops, gravel, poison ivy, or glass.
we'll all walk barefoot, and our toes will crunch on top of the glass.
painful looks over all of our faces, do you need me?
why did i leave you behind, ever?
these are going to be the best days of our lives,
i don't WANT to forget you, i don't WANT to leave you all alone on this dirt trail.
FOLLOW ME.
i love you so much.
please don't fail me now.

screechesandscratches

wake me up with the stinkiest breath, take me somewhere new and let me live in your arms.
let me breath the heaviest i've ever breathed before, and make me blink more than average.
i'm not the normal human you think i am, look up to me, look into my orange eyes, and tell me that the world will never blow up into a million pieces. make me proud to be alive, and let me live a million times more than i have. just a second longer, take me on a roller coaster ride that will take our breath away, make our stomach's feel like they're floating to our brain, and let us throw up magic. i'm holding onto you, and you're not letting go. send a hot pink shock through my toes that enters my legs and gets stuck in my femur. it'll make my legs shake, and my knee's vibrate. with wide eyes, i'll look at you in the most imperfect way you've ever been looked at. can i show you what life feels like? reality hasn't set into my head yet, and it hasn't set into your heart. these strip malls filled with cancer make me the happiest i've ever been. i've been arching back to just be able to kiss you upside down. i just wanted to say that i'm not the girl you wanted me to be. i'm not the girl i once was, and i never will be again. i'll be thinking like this forever, writing free concious forever, and i'll be laughing and sneezing forever. im a fork in the road that no one can ever remove. i'm the piece of yellow gum on the sidewalk people step on, i stick, and go everywhere with them. no matter where it is, to london, to france, to someone's underpants. i'm addicted to the way i feel, i'm addicted to the way my life is going, and i'm addicted to every poisonous thought that runs through my trail of childhood memories i once lived. i hear the sweetest sound of the swings screeching, with dirty butts and popsicles. there were ants crawling all over us. tickling each of my miniature hairs on my fingers. you're amazing. you saved me when i was nothing, you looked at me at my worse, and you loved me for who i was. capri suns were our lifestyle, and hide and seek was our cult. this bass enters my veins, and vibrates and shakes every single bone in my arm. i can feel the drums along with our beating hearts together. at the same pace, at the same instance, at the same moment. i'll never be a liar, but you'll always be my friend. i'm shining this white blinding light in your eyes, and all you can say is "i need more shade to these sunglasses." where did i go wrong? where did you go? i want to leave, leave everything behind. i'll scribble on your brain, and you'll scratch mine with a fountain pen. leave it up to me, and i'll leave my life up to you.

can i orgasm on this blog right now?
cause my life is amazing.

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHO ARE YOU ANYMORE?!
you've changed so much, it makes me nauseous.
i can't stand your presence in this cornered room.
you're starting to become like him.
the person inside me that unleashes every single time i'm angry.
you're the person who sprinkles cancer into my cereal in the morning.
YOU'RE the one who takes all the energy out of me.
YOU ARE THE FUCKING ONE WHO RAINS ON MY PARADE.
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO GOT ME AWAY FROM HIM
BUT YOU'RE BRINGING HIM BACK.
YOU'RE HIS SOUL.
i fucking hate you.
i can't stand you ANYMORE.
i'm not going to miss this place when i drive off in a van with my college friends.
i won't ever EVER FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BLOG.
you've unleashed the beast that you can't cage up with your stupid nonsense idiotic rules.
you make my mind this poisonous place that makes me feel like plastic is over my mouth.
call me fucking crazy but, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO GET A GUN AND JUST END YOU.
END THIS.

i can't say this enough.
i despise what you have become.
and i despise what person you've made me become.

i'm living YOUR dream life that you never had.
you had people who didn't care about you either.
and
I'M NOT SORRY.
you fucking deserve it.

you're a walking, talking, NORMAL, human.
and that's the last thing i want to become.
you're making me walk into a ditch that's too deep for me to get out,
and too black for me to see out of.

i wanna escape your fucking yelling and just free fall out of a window.
with my hands by my side so there's no POSSIBLE way you can save me.
i DON'T EVER want to have to do this again.

how does it feel to read this?

athazagoraphobia!

fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.

so, i keep having dreams, well, nightmares.
that i'm invisible/forgotten.

DREAM:
i woke up one morning, and went upstairs like every other day. i had waffles, everything was normal. i look across the table, only to see my mom with this big scared stare in her eyes. while i'm just sitting there like, ? am i missing something? but no, it turns out, pyshically, my body WAS NOT there. i was invisible. my food was just splattering on the chair, just floating down and invisible tube (my esophagus), and just splattering all over the chair. she got a rag to clean it up.
i carried my plate to the sink, and this is what scared me. the plate was floating because I WAS FUCKING INVISIBLE! she started to freak out and then she locked herself in her room, scared as hell to come back out only to see that there were random objects floating in the air. not knowing it was me.

am i invisible?
am i forgotten?
will anyone ever forget me?

or.
am i missing something?

i'm clueless.
i don't know what's going on.
and this dream, changed my life.
i'm gonna look at things differently now.
and try my best not to be one of the ones who are forgotten.
so someone come talk to me.

and remember me
for the rest
of your
LIFE.

i love you.