truthfully, i'm not going to lie my way out of this one. i'm finally realizing that there's more to life than just friends and material things. what some young teenagers don't know about me is that i'm all about realizing things when a couple of days ago i was just ranting about how i will never realize that this friend will end up fucking me over in the end, or how i don't want to realize that my whole life is ahead of me and that all the shit i'm worrying about now isn't really worth ANY of my time! it's all so fucking pointless and i wish someone else or anyone else for that matter would realize this also. they're right, the rulers of my life for the next 3 years are absolutely fucking correct in this situation. i'm sorry to say it, but they are. i told you, i won't lie. i just won't. i really don't know ANYTHING. YOU DON'T EITHER! we all don't. you know, sometimes it really is okay to have friends. you honestly don't need them. it's nice to have them but you always end up having SOMEONE in the end. really even the guy in the newspaper he strangled his four daughters and drowned them has someone that still is in complete, unconditional love for him. he's a criminal, he's a demon, but they still love him.

i don't know where i'm getting at, but i know it'll be soon. but if you're reading this, if you're ACTUALLY paying attention to my non stop bull shit words, i want you to think what life would be like if you had no friends. oh! close your eyes too. . . . now open? okay yeah, whatever you're looking at right now. that's EXACTLY where you would be with no friends. acquaintances are kind of like friends minus the loyalty and the trust. an acquaintance incase you don't know this already is just someone you pass on the street, bum a cigarette off of and go through your day. a friend is someone who you can trust and is loyal to you. you should be the same to them also, because that would be using them. and i know some people can't tolerate that. you might end up like one of those guys 4 daugthers, you never know, really. sometimes, i don't know why i even try with friends. i only have 1/2 of one, no maybe 1/3. and some people may think this is disgustingly obsessive but i really only am drawn to one of my friends. and that's derrick. everyone else that has either left me or fucked me over. i don't need you. honestly i don't. i'm perfectly content with life. this isn't supposed to come off as strong as i'm making it, i'm just making myself clear. making up for lost time. stupid blogging time i haven't sucked up my time with, because this is quite the time suck.

and after all i've typed. i've come to ANOTHER realizations, god i love today. it wasn't even that cold. i'm getting lost, where was i. oh right, that when you start to age you know get older, you don't absolutely HAVE to change. you don't have to get mature, yeah society smiles upon you if you do but some people hate society. i do but you won't believe me. because we all conform somehow, we're run by older humans, we're not ourselves yet. so all of you pig son of a bitch 13 year olds who think they know what society is. you have no idea, I HAVE no idea neither does the fucking president. neither do the pigs. neither does that "higher power" no one does except for the people who have been through society. like chumps from the beat generation and punks from the 70's. they made a change. now let's make ours.