so..

i'm here, but not healthy. rat poison is in my blood stream a little too much lately and i don't really think i like it. something in my brain tells me that i need it, but i don't know. it's utterly confusing the piss out of me. i don't really HAVE anyone anymore. i mean i have a few people but not like, set in stone. except for one, that's been there forever.

alright, i'm going to be cliche for just a couple of minutes, so bare with me. i just need these people to finally figure out who they are. i like doing this, it's entertaining.
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a. i really don't know who you are anymore? one minute you say "yeah! let's go somewhere!" and the next minute you're a COMPLETELY different fucking person. can you please pretend at least PRETEND you like me. seriously, i don't care if you don't but just figure out a way because we're gonna be living under the same roof for another 3 years, and i want those next 3 years to be a little less miserable and a little more, i don't know.. bearable?

b. i really love you for sticking with me for this long. you really care. and i really care. look, i know we fight all the time, but that can be fixed. someway somehow we'll get it. i just don't know how or where we're going to find help. or how we could mend this all by ourselves like we've been doing? i love you, please don't be sad.

c. honestly, i don't really have a care in the world for you. you've traded me off so soso many times that i have no feeling. i'm numb to anything you have to say, if you will. but honestly, i'm not the one who changed. YOU are. you left me so many times that i don't really care for you. oh, and i hate you too. thanks, except "NOT REALLY"

d. seriously, go back to the old you or i'm going to ignore you every single day. you're the asshole you used to be last year, and i don't like it. be a little bit more, i don't know. yourself? modest? and sometimes, i wish your mood could be blank, i think that would be interesting.

e. i miss you, even though you fucked me over in the past. i miss you. i miss bill dance and i miss those car rides to day care. i really do. i don't know how we can get that back, maybe we could actually meet up and stick our heads together and pick our noses?

EDIT! f. oh yeah, almost forgot about you. uhm, you need to get off of people's dicks. so glad you got off of mine and his. and oh yeah, you did a really fucked up thing JUST for attention, and almost forgot, you look like a dyke. see ya!

g. thanks..