so im stuck..

here in school, thinking about my upcoming break.
and man, am i happy.
i keep on looking out the windows and seeing smoke coming out of this huge manhole.
is this really my life? why am i always here? i know its school, but i dont enjoy it.
so many other people like it, but why cant i?
this teacher is so annoying.
she just keeps talking and talking about these nonsense things that noone cares about.
im kind of just venting, so if you want to stop reading now, i understand.
finals are tomorrow, and wednesday, and im sooo not ready.
wow, im blogging in school, am i stupid?
this is so dirty. there's cocroaches here, and its making me uncomforatable.
(spell check). now, i have to pull up this stupid "document" that "we" worked on.
even though i didnt. hahaha.
wow, no college for me.
"class of 2011, no, class of 2000 never."
psh, gimme a break.

i think ill just stop,

talking so loudly, being such a pest, being a piece of furniture in youre weird life, stop eating so much, trying to be like everyone, being such a poser, not wanting to grow up, being in this muffed up family, eating greasy foods, eating so much ramen that it comes out of my nose, getting nasty ass popsicles, stop listening to music i pretend to like, talking to you.

happy fucking easter.

my easter is gonna be so beat its not even funny. im dead, literally, and im gonna get my asshole ripppppped out of my fucking body when i get home.
im am seriously in a world of shit. sooo,
i guess this is goodbye to blogger cause im never gonna get to write to you unless i do it in school.
and goodbye computer. and phone, and talking andd, t.v. for the rest of forever.
GOODBYE BREAK.
guys, im so dead. its not even funny.





wish me some fucking luck.

nonsense.

im growing up too fast. and i dont think im quit ready. i need to stop putting so much hard
returns in my writing. and plastic bags are just not my thing. city high is just not my thing.
what if we all went to a school that didnt drag us to become 'adults' if thats even the term
we should use in this situation. why cant we just go to a normal ass high school where teachers
blow off their students, dont give a fuck what you do and where you do it, dont give a shit what you learn, as long as you leave them alone, dont care what you say, and there's no such thing as workforce. i dont want to turn 15. i feel that if i do, ill feel different than now, and itll piss me off.
i feel that if i dont get a new internet connection im gonna rip my face off. i need to write about more things that dont make sense to anyone else. like, why we steal things and its a crime. like, OUR money isnt OUR money. you know what i mean? someone gave it to us from someone else before that from someone else before that from someone else before that, so, who's was it to begine with? how do they make money so valuable? its paper made in a factory. i dont think i get it. but then again, im stupid. im 14, and nothing is really happening. i got the shittiest school in the US, i have a best friend, and i eat my weight. sounds pretty, teenagery. in my other blogs i've been too real with you guys and havent actually introduced myself. i said things before thinking and now people know my life story. people dont know ME. they just know what has happened. i love thinking about when the boy i like is gonna come back. if he ever is. his friend said hes coming back this summer. but i dont think he is. i hate relying on liking someone. i feel so gross, and disgusting. i dont NEED anyone right now. all i need is me and im fine. litereally, i am. theres a blue light staring at me from the speakers, and i wanna play some music. but this world is so quiet, i love it. im not making any type of sense right now, because im tripping out on not sleeping for the past 24 hours. i eat chimmichongas, and hot pockets, and thats just who i am.

WANTED: TIME MACHINE.

someone, go to the drug store,
or hardware store and buy me materials for a time machine.
pllease.
i want to go back to the past so badly right now.
i want to relive when i was so careless.
i looked like shit, i didnt care.
noone cared.
i want to go back to smiling every second,
and blushing every five seconds.
being all preppy, and then switching to goth in a second.
my 'phase' of being a total weirdo.
being homeschooled.
throwing up.
drawing on a daily basis.
being here for you.
being afraid of the dark.
not wanting to stay here.
worrying about the house.
tossing and turning at night because it was too quiet.
having my own room.
i want to go back to looking at the sky and smiling.
i want to go back to my old music i havent listened to in six years.
I WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WASNT HERE.
where would i be?
i need a god damn time machine people!
PRONTO.
seriously.
i want to go back to the fair,
with the ferris wheel,
not knowing anyone,
you flirting with other girls,
meeting people,
being jealous,
kissing.
thats all lost now.
i dont even remember half of it.
its like, blurred up now?
its so blurry, i cant see it without squinting.
i want to go back to eating junk food everyday and not worrying about getting fat.
i want to go back to the days where i didnt care what i was doing.
to the days where, i ate popsicles for a living.
the days where i was completely stressless.
back to the days where, i blasted my music, and neighbors would knock on the wall screaming.
back to the days where i was totally happy, and never miserable.
back to the days where i actually liked school.
liked my friends.
i only have on that understands me in this century.
noone understood me back then.
thats one flaw.
other than that,
lets go allll the way back to where we were all happy.
everyone do me a favor, and close youre eyes, and try to dream of time you would want to go back to.
and get back to me.
because i would love to hear.

i've been chasing.

and im finally caught up.
im the girl who i used to be.
i love everything.
i love everyone.
sept, there's this place that pops into my head sometimes when i dont love everything and everyone.
its called the dumbest place in the world in my head.
its a place where you want a blanket to cover you up from the monsters.
you want someone there for you when you need them the most,
but their not in arms reach.
or any reach at all.
its a place where, you have no preview of anything, or anyone.
you cant meet anyone there.
the trees never grow leaves.
no happy music,
no colors,
no rainbows,
no pretty people.
their all discolored, and mean.
like, almost in a horror movie, but in real life.
i sometimes have nightmares about this place when i have a bad day.
it always wakes me up in the middle of the night, or causes me not to sleep.
i dont know.
maybe i need some kind of help?
but, i've met people that have been in the same position.
like, in this "dumb place" theres nothing.
no birds chirping,
no sun,
no pretty flowers,
no water fountains,
its full of MAD.
like, okay,
for example, say that. . . the MEANEST kid you have bothering you, were to be in this "dumb place".
in this place, they would probably be 10 TIMES WORSE than they already are.
sometimes, when i feel unstoppable, and that i can do anything,
i get sort of like, high? on it. if that makes sense.
then, i do something totally stupid.
and i come to this place.
not stupid as in funny stupid though.
stupid as in like, what the fuck why the hell would you do that, stupid.
i dont know, maybe im crazy.
but, thinking of it. . .
doesnt this place sound like, the world?

slkdjfajko;s ejf;oij ewf.

there's clearly something living in my old house.
but youre too fucking lazy to go look for yourself.
get off youre ass and look.
THERE IS SOMEONE LIVING UP THERE I DONT KNOW.
lemme go get fucking raped.
i hope something would've happened to me.
so you would've felt like the dumbass you are.
youre so gay.
whats wrong with you?
go ahead and, "mark down what people want to do and what their told."
i clearly dont give a shit.
neither do you.
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON HIS SIDE?!
hes got you brainwashed.
wtf?!
STOPPPPP BEFORE I GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A FORK.
slkdjfslkdjfsldf ksej oifjs.d .
im so sad for you.

perfection.

is there a point in youre life, where everything goes youre way?
is there a point in time where youre life is perfect for once?










cause right now, it is. (:

i finally lived it up.

pain.

pain is a weird thing to deal with.
some people like it.
some people can't stand it.
im the kind of person that can't stand it.
it can be handed to you in anyway you want.
mentally, or physically.
im the kind of person who gets it both ways.
mentally AND physically.
most people do, but, not like me.
i get mental pain all the time.
more like stress, but that has nothing to do with it.
the point im trying to make is;
kids our age shouldn't have to deal with mental pain.
the only pain WE should worry about is the physical kind.
the mental kind is for adults, grown ups, teachers, and parents.
so, please tell me why kids suffer both?
that's way too much for a kid like me to deal with.
i mean, im just a kid.
im in highschool, im ill equipped.
everyone is, not just me.
why cant we just never have pain?
is that such a horrid thing to ask for?
why cant we all just go out on the street,
and hug people we dont know,
fall on our faces and laugh at the pain?
why cant we sing out loud till our throats give out?
and laugh at the pain?
why cant we just all get along,
and not have to worry about the mental pain?
and just laugh with eachother?
laughing certainly isnt painful.
so, why dont we do it that often?
maybe there's a chance we'll stop this endless fight.
maybe there's not.
maybe everyone'll start overcoming all of sudden,
and not wanting to cause the world PAIN.
why are you we always gonna be at war?
too many people are in the hospital for the pain its caused them.
so why dont we stop?
why doesnt the government notice that AIDS was their fault?
cause they distributed it.
they caused many familys,
friends,
girlfriends,
parents,
kids,
PAIN.
why cant we all just play hopskotch and jump rope?
even if we fall down, we can help eachother up.
ill help you through youre pain. . .
can you help me through mine?

WILL YOU. . .

miss me when im gone?
talk about me behind my back?
make faces at me when i turn around?
love me no matter what?
kiss me in public?
hold my hand if something gets in our way?
buy me $20 ice cream?
paint my nails?
smile back at me?
buy me anything i want?
let me hang all over you?
buy me pipe cleaners?
do my math homework?
take me to a kick ass show?
stick up for me in a fight?
pick me up when i fall down?
give me help when i need it the most?
call me at 5 in the morning?
throw rocks at my window?
take care of me when i have the chickenpox?
kiss me on the cheek?
lay with me?
cuddle?
buy me a new pet?
LOVE ME AGAIN?!







figure out who this is about?
remember, that i dont know who this is about either?

let's pack up our bags, and JET.

let's just,
pack up and go.
get youre suitcase,
youre carry-on,
youre purse,
c'mon, dont hold me behind,
im already behind enough,
we're running out of time,
the bus comes in 10 minutes,
and we're 20 minutes far away,
oh well, catch a train?
they come every 20 minutes anyways.
i can picture this in black and white.
while its raining.
kissing you, while running away from home.
the alarm clock,
its going off.
plllease turn it off.
it just keeps beeping and its getting into my dream.
BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP.
TURN IT OFFF.
PLEASE.
their gonna hear it.
then we're gonna hafta stay here.
member our memories?
like forever ago.
i miss them.
waaaake up and run away with me,
with dewy grass,
at 5 a.m.
all cold, and rainy, and grey.
hold my hand.
and get ready, for the biggest day of youre life.

the seasons are changing and. . .

quite frankly, im fucking happy.
last summer was a total waste.
i didnt hang out with my best friend at all.
but, she had the best summer ever.
this summer is gunna be different,
well, its not like i really get a summer?. . .
but, im going to make the best of it.
spring is just around the corner, and its already march.
next month we're off.
let's go hang out with 'till we get sick of eachother.
that's always fun.
let's go to brusters and get ourselves a purple dinosuar,
ask for money,
and eat subway,
then go home and throw up.
let's go to six million shows, and crowd surf.
cause im not sick of you.
i never really am anymore.
you probably are, but i dont care.
i want to be up youre ass 24/7, and laugh about people falling on the bus.
i love when we crack up, its so funny.
lets go swimming in a public pool with black people's weave stuck in the drain.
lets tan until we turn beat red.
lets eat a whole entire box of popsicles and still want more.
lets compose a new style.
please, lets call eachother at 4 in the morning to tell eachother we queaf'd.
lets live at eachother's house for the summer.
lets wear shorts and flip flops and hang out with strange people.
lets get stood up by a boy at greenfield.
lets ride scooter's.
let us be the greatest pair of best friends ever.
im so cheesy nowa days. but i dont really care.
lets go to the bodies exhibit and put sticky notes on their dicks.
lets sleep until 5 p.m.
lets BE HAPPY.


i am, are you?

$free sex.

why do you people sell themselves?
like, prostitutes.
their people, just like every one of us out there.
why do they think they have to do that to themselves?
i dont give a fuck if youre a sex addict, you dont have to do that to youre body.
fact; 1.5 billion people in south america have died from aids.
that's exactly what you can open up to if you sell yourself like that, and dont give a fuck.
and yeah, i know,
most prostitutes sell themselves to get a couplea bills for some reefer, or angel dust. . .
that still doesnt make it right.
cause drugs arent right.
sure, they make you feel like out of this world,
buuut, they can mess you up,
really bad.
like, rehab bad.
this is life, so we'll survive.
most of us.
not prostitutes.
if only this were illegal.
it is here, i think?
but not in most places.
not in vegas i dont think it is.
which where like, all hornballs go,
so there ya go.
there's other ways you can earn bills.
like . . .
GETTING A FUCKING JOB MAYBE?
it doesn't cost many to apply for a job.
not even an abraham lincoln.
so, c'mon people.
wake up and smell the coffee!
or,
the prostitution.