i'm a LITTLE bent

i'm quickly starting to fall apart. so bitter with the world surrounding me. i'm so easily angered, but never show it, and never say it out loud. and i'm so easily tempted to do things, and i'm so easily set off. i feel like i've once had my own two feet to stand on, but it's so far forgotten, that i'm either collapsing to the ground, or curled up in a ball on my matress hiding from the world under a comforter. every single attempt to break myself out of this downfall, fails. it only seems to bring me closer to absolutely no return. no return to people, no return to the earth. i'm so lost, without any idea of where i need to be, where i should be, or where people want me to be. all i know is it's somewhere not here. not within arms reach, anyway.

i have atleast some ideas of what to do to get to this destination. but there's a voice inside my head telling me that it's a dangerous route to take all alone. it's telling me to stick it out, constantly. so, why can't i listen to it when it's telling me it's dangerous, but i can't listen to it when it tells me to stick it out? i know exactly what would happen if i listened to it, i would just be stuck where i am today. i can't do a damn good thing for myself. i'm not serving much justice where i am. and i can't do anything good for others. i really am, and i really feel absolutely hopeless at this point.

no one should take this as my constant attitude. and please don't. although, it is becoming a daily routine, and a little bit TOO common. i just feel shut down after one of my usual mess-ups. and i just felt the need to berate myself, publicly on the internet. for your eyes to scan.

i feel a bit better letting this out, than lugging it around.

thanks for listening.