i quit. i'm done. you win.
i don't know how to act. i don't know how you want me to act.
i'm not capable of doing what my brain tells me to do.
i'm stupid, i get it.
i don't know how to move my piece so i could beat you.
i can't win.
you always win.
don't you get it?
this is one big board game, and no matter how far i go, i'll never get back to you the way i was
i'm sorry i can't mold into the perfect piece of clay you want me to.
apologies don't mean shit anymore.
i'm going to rip myself apart until i'm laying in my own pool of blood.
my lifeline, my best friend is now dead.

my simplistic exterior, is gone
my brain is gone
everything is in the hole in the lake.

i always liked building a new exterior.
what can it be this week?

when you wake up, read this.

i'm not fixing anything that's undone anymore. they're just going to have to get out of the copper smelling rut that they're in and mend themselves together until mending isn't an option. because i'm not a peacemaker, i'm not a pacemaker either. i'm not good with keeping things alive. when i was little, i kept a goldfish alive for 7 hours. 7 miserable hours. honestly, all i wanted was for it to finally die. i could see it struggling, it looked like it was swimming in toxic waste. i think i may have i subconsciously poisoned the poor thing. i don't know, i've been waiting all this time to finally be something i can't define. and looking back on the old posts i wrote on here, they're really really pathetic. like, what was i thinking? i was stupid, i was really really stupid. i've been thinking about back then and (here we go again) i realized something else, we're grown up. and i fucking love it. i love how you're not in my life, and i'm not in yours. i've wanted this since the day i fucking met you. god, it's uplifting, it really really is.

fuck you. i don't need you.

i can say that now. because i don't.
i'm high.