i'm here, and youre there. and we're everywhere. i'm glad everyone is enjoying their life, and i'm glad i'm sitting down here being anti social. but i'm fucking tired of trying to bend backwards just to see you clearer. it's hurting me, and it's hurting you. i can honestly say, yes, i DO hate you. i hate everything about you. and i hate the way you walk. and i hate the way you open your mouth, and i hate the way you run. and i just hate you. i hate your essence of perfume, and i hate your presence of annoying, loud, obnoxious words that you don't even know. you trip over everything you say, and you rephrase things just so they can sounds nicer. but in reality, they're just comments that you didn't even need to shoot towards me. i'm sick of you trying, and i'm sick of me caring. i'm sick of everything, lately. especially you. especially this fucking room, and this family, and my face. and my body. and everything that has to do with me and you. i can't stand it, and i can't stand sitting here. i want to go somewhere. ANYWHERE. JUST SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING SPEAK UP BECAUSE I NEED TO LEAVE AND I NEED TO LIVE ALL AT THE SAME TIME. GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE. LET'S JUST GO AND NOT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING. LET'S RUN UNTIL OUR LEGS HURT, AND OUR HEARTS CAN'T PUMP BLOOD FAST ENOUGH! I'M NOT A COWARD, AND I'M NO LONGER AFRAID AND I FUCKING MEAN IT THIS TIME. i know i've lied a million times. BUT I'M STOPPING. i only speak the fucking truth. I'M SERIOUS THIS TIME, I'M GETTING AWAY. ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

AND YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

i'm having a good time..

sticking my head out of the window and enjoying the fresh air the world gives off sometimes.
and i think i'm beginning to like pittsburgh more and more everyday.
even though it's filled with dark quiet bus stops at 10:00 at night that i just so happen to have a mental breakdown at. with a cigarette lit up in my hand, and tears running down my face.
somehow, i felt more safe than sorry. even though i was really really scared. i loved every minute of it. because for once, i wasn't secured by anyone. no one was there to take me away. and no one was there to stop me from being scared. i had to rely on myself for once, and it worked. i calmed myself down, and i loved every single minute of it. i get scared way too easily, and i need to face my fears every once in a while. and i just wanted to say, that i love pittsburgh.

123TEN.

things are going so quick. and things are so sudden, ALL OF A SUDDEN.
things are shooting in the air, and they're making the noise before they even shoot off!
i wish i could quit blinking, and actually notice the things that are happening for once.
i wish i could change some things.
MY CLOCK HANDLES KEEP SPINNING AND SPINNING, AND I'M NOT LIVING IN THE MOMENT.
i never fucking do anymore!
THINGS
PASSED ME UP
TOO FUCKING FAST.
and now, i have no clue what's happening!
I'M SCARED.
I'M NERVOUS.
I'M ANXIOUS.
AND I'M GOING TO HURL.
i don't know what's happening.
and i don't know what's GOING to happen.
and i'm not going to ask for help this time, this is my life.
and none of you are going to help me.
NOT A SINGLE ONE OF YOU...

EDIT: people also, keep stealing my words. and i'm getting sick of it.

i can't hear anything

because i'm muted and i'm bold.
i'm too fearless of being forgotten, and i'm just the same as everyone else.
and i'm only hear to breath, and i'm only breathing to walk, and we're all here just to die.
i've explained this countless times before, but let me explain myself a thousand and ONE more times.
i'm happier than a daisy on a fucking sunny day.
we all belong somewhere in this world, and i belong right in this spot where my shoes are tied to the top of the van.
the wind is soaring through my hair, and it's tickling my ears. and i can't believe i'm becoming what i am, and i can't believe i really honestly don't care for once.
its time to forget your phone, because you won't get service here.
you won't get anything from where we're walking to.
yes, you caught me, i want to take you with me.
wherever i go, i want YOU there.
and NOBODY else.
you may call me gay, stupid, retarded for this blog.
and you may think i'm kidding.
and you might think im just a little bit too afraid to do what i'm saying.
but i've grown up.
i've grown up a lot, and i actually don't care.
DO YOU?

stop trying to step on my shoes while im trying to dance, and stop trying to rip my favorite shirt off my back, and stop trying to use this napkin to wipe off the sticky kool aid on my face.
maybe i want to live like this, have you ever thought of that? this is where i fucking belong, in this life that i've been totally misleading to not be like yours.
i've been trying and trying and trying so hard to not be like you, and all my hard work is FINALLLLLLY paying off, and it feels SO good.
i feel so motivated, and relaxed.
and there's absolutely
NOTHING
you can do
to stop me.
how do you feel?

fresher than before.

this is a fresh start. this isn't the end, this is just the beginning.
for me, its just another day. i'm a little intimidated but, i'll manage.
i'll kill off my tendencies of being a nobody, and i'll kill off all of my annoying habits of mine.
just to show you that i've changed, and i've never felt better. i've changed, and i love the way i have. actually, no, i won't.
i won't kill off my annoying habits, because i don't need to change anymore than i already have.
i'll walk through everyday just the same, because i know that nobody really enjoys me.
and i'm actually, okay with that.
i used to think i would be scared, but you've really helped me grow from a little twig that's now a full live tree, taller than a skyscraper.
its just another fresh start like ice cubes in an ice tray.
I'M A LITTLE INTIMIDATED, BUT I'LL MANAGE. i'll feel rejuvanated and, i'll just repeat i guess.
honestly, i don't know what i'll do. i can't pretend that i'm just this strong girl waiting to take on the world by myself with no sturdy backbone.
because well, i absolutely no way in hell, can. by myself.
so i'm all by myself, with no one to help, and you know what.
i think it's time to get over myself.
it's time to stop relying on other people to heal my spine, and staple it back together.
because my arms are long enough, that i can do that myself.
i think it's time to just, see what happens, and what path i choose to go down.
and i think it's time to see if you notice.
shock.

thanks, thanks a lot.
i'm gone.